26 Funny Quotes From Athletes

Funny Quotes
Do you think athletes are capable of giving us funny quotes? They sure do! Some of these sports figures may look physically imposing and intimidating. But do not be fooled!

Under these tough athletes are great senses of humor! Jokers even!

Here are some of the funniest quotes that we have come across.

Walt Williams (Houston Rockets)

“I’ve been dunked on by (Vitaly) Potapenko and now (Zan) Tabak. The good part is that they don’t make posters of those guys.”

funny quotes Walt Williams

They don’t?!!? Why?


Mike Tyson – When asked about his retirement plans…

“Fade into Bolivian, I guess.”


Sounds like a great plan. The Bolivians would be thrilled.

Michael Jordan – Referring to the famed museum in Paris…

“I enjoyed the Luge.”

funny quotes by michael jordan

His Airness missed this one.

Torrin Polk – On his coach, John Jenkins…

“He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.”

funny quotes by Torrin Polk

Because earrings bring out the man in you.

David Thompson

“Ball handling and dribbling are my strongest weaknesses.”

Funny quotes by David Thompson

So your weakest strength is?

Karl Malone

“I ain’t gonna be no escape-goat.”

Funny quotes by Karl Malone

He’s not going to escape this one.

George Rogers – On the upcoming season…

“I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”

Funny quotes by George Rogers

‘Cause it’s confusing what comes first.

Muhammad Ali

“I’ve seen George Foreman shadow boxing and the shadow won.”

Funny quotes by Muhammad Ali

And that, children, is how you diss someone.

Tim Sylvia

“I’m the oldest I’ve ever been, right now.”

Funny quotes by Tim Sylvia

Go figure.

Mike Cameron

“The sun has been there for 500, 600 years.”

Funny quotes by Mike Cameron

So. Smart. Not.

Dizzy Dean – After a 1-0 game…

“The game was closer than the score indicated.”

Funny quotes by Dizzy Dean

It can get closer than that?!?!?

Jason Kidd

“We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.”

Funny quotes by Jason Kidd

That is how the team learned to pirouette.

Shaquille O’Neal

“I’ve won at every level, except college and pro.”

Funny quotes by Shaquille O'Neal

You da man!

Sherman Douglas

“I don’t want to shoot my mouth in my foot, but those are games we can win.”

Funny quotes by Sherman Douglas

You can shoot what?

Carl Everett

“The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can’t say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Somebody actually saw Adam and Eve. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus Rex.”

Funny quotes by Carl Everett

Jurassic Park is not real?!?!?

Alex Rodriguez

“Therapy can be a good thing; it can be therapeutic.”

Funny quotes by by Alex Rodriguez

Really now.

Rickey Henderson – On the issue about 50% of ballplayers using steriods.

“Well, Rickey’s not one of them, so that’s 49 percent right there.”

Funny quotes by Rickey Henderson

Great calculations.

Antoine Walker – On why he shoots threes…

“Because there are no fours.”

Funny quotes by Antoine Walker

Imagine if the game had 4-points.

David Beckham – On being a “volatile” player…

“I can play in the center, on the right, and occasionally on the left side.”

Funny quotes david-beckham

He speaks English, right?

Charles Shackleford

“Left hand, right hand, it doesn’t matter. I’m amphibious.”

Funny quotes charles-shackleford

And that is why you need to go to school.

Tug McGraw – On whether he liked grass or Astroturf…

“I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf.”

Funny quotes tug-mcgraw

He’s high.

Tito Fuentes – On getting hit by a pitch…

“They shouldn’t throw at me. I’m the father of five or six kids.”

Funny quotes tito-fuentes

The fact that he does not know how many kids he has is disturbing. But still funny.

Shaquille O’Neal

“I made a 1,600 minus 800 minus 200 on the SAT, so I’m very intelligent when I speak.”

Funny quotes shaquille-oneal

No comment.

Darren Daulton – On John Kruk…

“Like they say, it ain’t over ’til the fat guy swings.”

Funny quotes darren-daulton

That’s just mean.

Weldon Drew

“We have a great bunch of outside shooters. Unfortunately, all our games are played indoors.”

Funny quotes weldon-drew

Too bad.

Greg Norman

“I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.”

Funny Quotes Greg Norman

You have more than one?!?!?

Hope you enjoyed these funny quotes!

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